What if I Want You?
by Purpliexzy
Summary: Series of Oneshots about Sharpwin. I may or may not write more. Chapter One: Happens after 1x16 when Sharpe passed Max on to Dr. Staunton.


Chapter One

_Hello everyone, it's been a while since I posted something on fanfiction but Sharpwin just brought me back. This is supposed to be a one shot but it might be more._

_Happens a day after 1x16, after Sharpe dropped Max as her patient._

_Please ignore any grammar mistakes, I was too sleepy to proofread this._

...

"He's what?" I don't know what shakes more, my whole body or my voice. I feel suffocated in the middle of the crowded room with rich people that care more or less about the charity dinner that's going on. All those things he said, the things I said back and-

"Hey, Sharpe" Dr. Frome's voice snaps me back to reality. "Are you there?" He asks gently. As if that's going to ease the bitterness I feel in my mouth or the knot I feel in my stomach.

I gather the little courage I feel and answer back "Yeah, yeah" I exhale as I drag my feet to where Dr. Panthaki is standing with some pretty important people. "I'll be there soon." I hang up and throw the phone in my purse as I tap Akash on the shoulder and his face brightens up as he sees me.

"Excuse me for a moment." He says in that thick accent as he caught me gently by the arm and moves me to a secluded corner. "Are you okay? You look anxious."

"Yeah, I just got a call from Iggy."

"Let me guess, Max's cancer." He says knowingly with a soft smile. One of the reasons why I like Akash is that he's understanding and genuine, he never feels the need to react about something when a line hasn't been crossed.

"Wait, how do you know?" I ask and he cocks a brow, about to answer but I stop him quickly. "You know what? Never mind, I just need to leave and I'm so sorry that-"

"Hey" he interrupts me as he grabs my shoulder. "I'm pretty sure he needs you more than I do right now." I know he didn't say that to make me feel guilty but I do feel guilty. Who does that? Who just drops out of an important event of their boyfriend to go see their former patient? But then again, it doesn't feel like that to me at all. He's much more than just some former patient to me, he's much more than just a boss or a colleague. What he is to me doesn't have a title and I'm not sure it should under the circumstances.

"Well, I'm still sorry." I say as I quickly peck him on the lips and rush to get my coat from the coat hanger. I could hear Akash's goodbye fading into oblivion but that's the least of my worries now.

The cool air hits my face harshly as I step outside and thankfully, the first cab I hail is the one I got "New Amsterdam please." I don't recognize the urgency I hear in my voice, it's foreign and long buried in the back of my head since Mohammed's days. I remember how hearing the word brain or aneurysm used to wreck me in ways I didn't know were possible, but I pick up myself from all that while making a promise to never get attached again but I guess fate is real. Of all the people that were going to get me back to practicing medicine, of all the many options of friends I have and of all the doctors in the world that could be our medical director, fate threw Max Goodwin to New Amsterdam. And of course, he's funny, compassionate, selfless and everything that shouldn't belong to one person.

He's all of the above. And he's the person that makes me question everything and challenges me to be better than who I am as a person and as a doctor.

"Ma'am. We're here."

My head snaps up quickly to see us parked in front of New Amsterdam and I quickly brought out a dollar bill that I'm sure is at least three times than my normal fare and gave it to him without looking back. "Thank you." We both say at the same time but I'm sure I appreciate him bringing me to the hospital more than he appreciates the tip.

I go through the glass doors and everywhere I look, memories of my moments with in those places come flooding. I remember how Max challenged me in the first minute he saw me, right around these doors, I remember how stubborn I was and of course, the bright look on his face because he was clearly enjoying getting me to stay. I remember the desperate look on his face in these hallways just yesterday, a desperate look that turned into a very upset and angry look at the end of the conversation. Something I had never seen on Max before.

I bump hard into someone "Whoa, you look um-" Floyd's face scans my own and then down to my outfit "good but bad, if you know what I mean." I know what he means, I dressed to kill tonight. But that just sounded weird in my head and I'm glad I didn't voice it out.

"Where's he?" I ask and Floyd sighs. "Max, I mean Max."

"I know who you meant, Helen." He smiles. "He's stable and-"

I sigh "Where are they keeping him, Floyd?"

"He's in amenity 212." I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence when I murmur thank you and charge in the direction of the ward.

The mere sight of him lying in that bed floods me with so many emotions that I feel a knot tightening in my throat. I feel relieved by the mere sight of him, I feel relieved that he's stable, I feel relieved by the sound of his breathing and of course I feel scared. I'm scared that the dark days are here, I'm scared that Max's energy will no longer be enough to motivate everyone in this hospital, I'm scared that one day I might come in to New Amsterdam and not see him, I'm scared that I'm going to lose him. And most of all, I'm scared that he'll never be mine to lose. Which is such a selfish thought to be having right now.

"Dr Sharpe." I hear a soft voice say beside me and I look to see Georgia standing beside me. She's obviously been crying because her eyes and nose are blood red and I move quickly to her side. She hugs me tightly and I tense for a second before relaxing. All the while, Georgia didn't even come to my mind. It's been Max, Max and Max. All my thoughts were about him and I didn't think for one second how she must be feeling about all this with her condition. "He's been moody all last night through the morning, he barely joked once or twice and Dr. Staunton said he never sat once all day. She couldn't get through to him-"

"Max makes it really hard for people to get through to him." I regret my words as soon as I say them because the bite in my voice sounds obvious, and I realize I'm still letting our fight cloud my judgment.

Something he's exactly been doing as well.

"Sorry, I'm just-" I start but she just nods with confusion written on her face.

"I'm about to get something for myself, would you like some coffee?" I know I probably scrunch my face because she smiles. "So the thing about English people and tea is real?" I just smile because under any other circumstances, Georgia and I could have been friends because she's obviously funny.

"Yeah, but I don't hate coffee." I say. "I just don't think I'd be able to keep anything down, apart from water of course."

"Water it is, then." She says and I thank her silently. "Doctors said he'll wakeup soon. If you want to stick around." Oh, I'm sticking around Georgia. He's not doing this without me. Not anymore, I may not be his doctor anymore. But if he needs someone to keep him in check, I'll be here even if he doesn't want.

As Georgia strolls off, I quietly move inside the room and remove off my coat, keeping it on the couch that is parked in one corner of the room. I move to the bed where Max is lying down and stare at him for a long time. He looks at peace, his breathing even. His eyes look swollen and his stubble has grown more than it was yesterday. I take his hand in mine as I settle in the chair beside the bed and keep staring at him.

"_Max." I shouted at him to slow down but he didn't. "Max, hey." I said as I run to catch up with him._

"_Dr. Sharpe."He countered dismissively without looking at me. And boy did that hurt. That was the first time I was seeing him after our rooftop conversation, after I passed him on to Dr. Staunton._

"_Dr. Staunton said she needs to-"_

"_I think what Dr. Staunton needs to learn is the doctor-patient confidentiality. I don't need her telling just about everyone what I need or don't need to do." He said, without looking at me still. With his long legs, he made it hard for me to catch up with him, which is why I just jumped in front of him and steadied my palms on both his shoulders._

"_Max, listen to me." I demanded. This was unlike anything I've seen before with Max but I get it. I would be mad too, if he just upped and dropped as his friend. But I did what I had to do for him to get better._

"_I don't need to listen to you, Helen, you're not my doctor anymore." He said with a sigh._

"_Yeah, but I'm still your friend." I said silently. "What I did was the best-"_

"_Speak for yourself." He shrugged._

"_You're being a baby." I said jokingly but apparently Max was not having it._

"_No, Helen, you ran." He all but shouted. "The minute things got hard; you looked the other way and left me in the cold. Literally. You ran, Helen. And believe me, there's a word for people that do that." Coward._

_It was what he wanted to say, I stared at him, waiting for him to take it back but he didn't. He just kept staring at me as intensely as I was staring at him._

"_Wow, Max." I sighed. "I never knew that under that entire exterior, you're just a selfish guy that wants everything to go his way. And news flash, Max, it doesn't happen with cancer. If you'll put all that energy you're getting from hating me into getting better, maybe we wouldn't be here right now."_

_He stared at me, long and hard. Hurt flashed in his eyes but I held my ground, if Max wanted me to be cruel and mean before he pays attention to the disease that is eating him away, I'm very happy to do that. After all, that was the part of me he saw first._

"_Are you done?" He asked._

"_No, I don't have any appointments tomorrow so I'm taking the day off. Lord knows this place is starting to suffocate me." _

"_Good, maybe some of us might get some fresh air, after all." He sauntered away at that. No goodbye, no phone calls or weird emojis from him throughout that night and day._

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes." A hoarse voice says from beside me and I turn completely to look at him. He's awake! He looks down between us where I'm still holding his hand and I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks as I try to take my hand away from his but he holds it firm in place.

"Hi." I say at a loss of words. "I um-"

"Helen, I'm sorry." He says and I shake my head. "No, let me." He smiles. "Even I didn't know I had that sucky attitude inside me, but directing it at you was wrong on so many levels."

"It's okay, Max, we both said things we aren't proud of." I say as I use my finger to scratch my right brow. I didn't know where all that frustration we vented came from.

"Where's Georgia?" Georgia. Damn, I've totally forgotten about her. But of course he didn't, she's his wife after all.

"Um, she went to get something to eat." I say as I finally manage to untangle my hand from his, it was about time. "Pregnant women and all." I joke and he laughs, but I can tell even laughing hurts. Poor Max.

"Can you get me my phone?" he asks and I shake my head.

"No, Max, you're supposed to be resting."

"I can assure you the only two people I text for the fun of texting are in this hospital, one of them is in this room-" my stomach sinks in longing. I don't know what I'm supposed to do when Max says things like these so casually. I mean, 'I love my doctor' just two nights ago got me tossing and turning at night because I don't know what that was supposed to mean, but apparently it meant nothing. I snap myself out of my thoughts and look back at him.

"I'll be happy to give you your phone if you'll text for 'fun'." I air quote the words. "Working is what stresses you I'm not about to let you stress yourself."

"Well, then will you please read out my texts for me?"

I stare at him "You want me, to read out your texts for you?"

"What are friends for?" he waggles his brows. Right, friends.

I gently push the chair back and move to the table where his belongings were being kept and grab his phone. I turn around to see Max staring me down.

"Um,' he clears his throat and I blush under his gaze. "Where were you when you were called?"

"I was at a charity dinner."

"With Dr. Panthaki." He says as if waiting for an answer so I nod. "I'm sorry they dragged you off, I'm pretty sure that was more fun than being stuck with me here." I choose not to answer that because I would drop hundred of charity dinners to come to Max if it means helping him.

"Well, first text message from Dr. Joe in paediatric." I say as I sit down and look at him and he nods impatiently. "It says 'I'm having a bit of a problem here, I'm not able to convince this patient that her problem has nothing to do with her baby, she needs to see a gynaecologist. Help me out here, Dr. Goodwin.'" I read out just as Max's head shoots up to look at me.

"I didn't get that last part." He says softly.

"It says 'she needs to see a gynaecologist. Help me out, Dr. Goodwin.'" I look up to see him smiling gently.

"I've never heard you say Dr. Goodwin before." He points out and he's right, I've never thought about that before. Max and I jumped into a comfortable familiarity that didn't require me calling him Dr. Goodwin.

What I don't understand is the smile he's still wearing because of this and I feel myself blushing under his gaze. What are we getting ourselves into and-

"Max! Oh my God." Georgia says as she rushes to his side and hugs him tightly. I quickly scramble out of the chair and move to the couch where I kept my coat and take it in my hand. I turn around and chance a look at the couple and I see Ma staring at me, as if not liking the fact that our tender conversation just got interrupted. He tears his gaze off of me and looks back at Georgia, kissing her head in the process.

"I'm okay." He tells her as I move slowly to the side of the bed. She finally releases Max and look back at me smiling.

"I was coming to tell you that there's water here in the room."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm just leaving." I say and Max looks at me questioningly. "I'm sure Akash is waiting to hear from me, I have to go back."

"Yeah, of course." Max says quickly. "Tell him I said hi."

"I will." I smile. "Dr. Goodwin." I say as I turn to Georgia but I didn't miss the tiny smile on his lips.

"Good night, Georgia." I say as I reach in to hug her.

"Thank you, Dr Sharpe." She smiles as we pull back from each other. "You're a good friend to us, thank you very much." I hear the emphasis she made on the word friend and I smile tightly.

Friend. Of course.

I turn around and leave the hospital with my thoughts more confused than ever.

…

_I think it's been more than two years since I have written anything and look what sharpwin is doing to me. I just hope it's good enough. Tell me what you think._


End file.
